


Pretending To Not Feel Alone

by exceedinglymediocre



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, F/F, First Love, First Time, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-12 20:53:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9090328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exceedinglymediocre/pseuds/exceedinglymediocre
Summary: Laura had it all: great grades, great friends, overwhelming popularity, but she still felt like something was missing. Suddenly her 'perfect' life hits a bump in the road when she meets the beautiful new girl, Carmilla.
High school AU. They are all human, there are no vampires or gods.





	1. Chapter 1

Laura held her head high as she walked through the halls of Silas High School. She was a cheerleader, top of the pyramid, she had straight A’s, and was insanely popular. Everyone knew who she was. Her life was so full, yet she always felt empty. Ever since her mom died, nothing could fill the hole she had in her heart. No amount of friends, alcohol, or academic and athletic accolades could ever fill it. But she would never let anyone know it. She wanted to keep up her perfect image, no matter how exhausting it was, so she kept her mouth shut and her head high.  
“Laura, come on! If we're late to practice again coach is going to kill us! Let's go!”, Laura’s best friend, Perry, yelled, pulling Laura out of her thoughts.  
“Coming Per!” She shouted back.  
The girls ran from their lockers over to the field to make it to practice on time. Laura stopped along the way to shout to her other best friend, Danny, who was in the middle of soccer practice, “Way to go captain Lawrence!” Danny waved back at her.  
Laura and Perry made it to practice on time, but were still reprimanded by the head cheerleader, Mel.  
“Guys come on, you know I don't want to get you in trouble, but if you keep showing up late I'm going to have to tell coach!” She said.  
“But we made it on time!” Laura protested.  
“Barely!” Mel said with a sigh, “and what did I tell you about inviting guests, Lola? You know practices are closed!”  
“What are you talking about?” Perry asked, confused. Mel gestured to where Lafontaine was sitting in the bleachers with a beautiful stranger, “Shit, sorry, I'll talk to them.”  
“Yeah, go get that sorted out, then get back down here because you two are running laps!” Mel said. Laura and Perry fake pouted as they ran up the bleachers towards Lafontaine.  
Lafontaine was an old childhood friend of Perry’s. Laura didn’t know them all that well but she did know that once Perry and Laf were in high school, and Perry got popular, she stopped hanging out with them. Laura can still remember the sound of Perry’s sobbing voice over the phone that night. Perry had drunkenly hooked up with Laf, knowing that they were in love with her, then blew up at them about it. Laura knew Perry loved Lafontaine back, but she would do anything to keep up her image, just like Laura.  
“Hey, what did I tell you about showing up to my practices! And who the hell is this?” Perry gestured to the girl next to them. The girl ignored Perry, and instead looked up at Laura.  
“I’m Carmilla,” she held her hand out to Laura, and smiled seductively.  
“Laura”, she responded, and shook Carmilla’s hand. Laura couldn’t stop staring into her eyes. Carmilla was quite possibly the most beautiful person she’d ever seen. Every fiber of Laura’s being was attracted to her.  
“Whatever, I don’t care who she is, can you just go? Please Sus- I mean Lafontaine.” Perry paused, she knew how much they hated being called that, but she was still getting used to Laf’s new pronouns, “look, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but we have States next week and if we don’t place we can’t go to Nationals and we’re done for the season.”  
Lafontaine raised an eyebrow, “so? How are we keeping you from going to Nationals?” they asked calmly.  
“You’re distracting me!” Perry shouted back, louder than she needed to, “and I’m already on thin ice with Mel, I don’t want to get into more trouble,” Perry pleaded.  
“Come on Laf, let’s go,” Carmilla stood up, “we can figure out another grand romantic gesture later!”  
“No, no, that’s not what I meant! No gestures! Just please go” Perry said. Laura could tell how much it was hurting her to do this. She could see the pain on Perry’s face. If only they were different people, or went to a different high school. If only Laura and Perry hadn’t somehow become so popular, and always at the center of school gossip.  
“Fine. We’re leaving,” Laf said quietly, tears in her eyes.  
Carmilla put her hand on Laura’s shoulder, “Good luck with Nationals, kid.”  
“It’s States.” Laura stammered back. Still unable to pull her eyes away from the dark haired woman in front of her.  
“Whatever! “ Carmilla laughed as she pulled Lafontaine away.

Practice was grueling and seemed to run longer than usual. They ran their new competition routine at least a dozen times, and Laura was so sore she could barely move. She walked to where Danny was waiting for her after practice.  
“So Hollis are the Silas Sabertooths competition ready?” she asked jokingly.  
“You bet your ass we are!” Laura responded with a laugh, “do you want a ride home? Or are you going home with Kirsch again?” She teased Danny.  
“Ugh, I told you that only happened once! Besides I wouldn’t want to give him any false hope… I know how into me he is.”  
“False hope, huh? So the sex dream you had about him meant nothing?”  
“Laura! I told you that in confidence!” Danny laughed as she threw her soccer ball at Laura. The two girls were too busy laughing to notice the car coming towards them. It honked, skidded, and stopped just before it hit them.  
“Holy shit, where the fuck did that come from?” Danny shouted frantically.  
The front door of the car opened and Carmilla stepped out, in the same black jeans and tank top she had been wearing on the bleachers earlier, “Oh my god, Laura are you okay?” she pushed straight past Danny and hugged Laura.  
Laura slowly hugged her back. She felt at home in Carmilla’s arms, “yeah we’re fine don’t worry, you stopped just in time.” Laura pulled back from the hug. She and Carmilla locked eyes, and she could feel electricity running through her. She’d never felt like this before- so instantly attracted to someone. Laura had known for a while now that she liked girls, and only girls, but she had been pushing it down for years now, hoping that one day it would go away. She didn’t want to be attracted to Carmilla, but she couldn’t help it.  
“We should go home Laura,” Danny said, pulling her away from Carmilla.  
“Laura, I’m really sorry-” Carmilla started.  
“It’s fine,” Danny responded for Laura as she steered her towards the car. Laura was still in shock from the near death experience and the weird new feelings she was getting from being around Carmilla, “You okay to drive?”  
“What? Yeah of course, I’m okay,” Laura faked a smile and unlocked the car. Why were all these feelings cropping up? She’d worked so hard to never let herself feel this way, but Carmilla was ruining all of that, and she’d only spoken to her twice! Carmilla probably didn’t even like girls, she was just unlucky enough to be so insanely beautiful- and so insanely Laura’s type. Laura knew she shouldn’t be feeling this way, so she decided to stop thinking about it, and drove home, more confused than ever.


	2. Chapter 2

Laura woke up to the sound of her new stepsister, Betty, blasting her music in the room next to her. Groaning, she rolled out of bed and knocked on Betty’s door three times without a response before barging in.  
“Hey, Betty could you maybe not play deafeningly loud heavy metal music at 6 AM?” Laura asked passive aggressively, failing to mask her annoyance.  
“No way, I have a Russian Lit test today that I have to do well on, and you know that music helps me focus!” Betty shouted over the music.  
“Yes, but does it have to be this music, at this volume?” Laura pleaded angrily. Betty responded with an over exaggerated eye roll and turned her attention back to the large book in front of her. Laura was thrilled that her dad had found someone knew and was finally happy again, but this new ‘sister’ arrangement was going to take a lot more time to get used to.  
Knowing there was no way she could fall back asleep, Laura went downstairs to make herself some coffee, and bumped into her dad doing that exact thing.  
“Good morning kiddo! You’re up early,” her dad greeted her.  
Laura shrugged and pointed to her dad’s coffee mug, “mind making me one of those?”  
“Sure thing!” Laura didn’t understand how her dad could be so chipper so early in the morning. She wasn’t usually a morning person, but this morning was worse than usual. After her encounters with Carmilla yesterday she was dreading going to school and seeing her again. A part of her was excited and craved the chance to get to know more about Carmilla, but Laura did the best she could to keep that part buried.  
“Penny for your thoughts,” Laura’s dad interrupted her worries.  
Laura smiled, “nothing much… just worrying about States next week,” she lied.  
“Come on, I know you Laura, you’ve never been this nervous about cheer before. What’s really bothering you?”  
Laura paused and thought for a minute. “Have you ever felt guilty for liking someone? Like you know you’re not supposed to like them, but you just can’t help it?”  
“Yes, of course, after your mom died I felt guilty every time I even thought about dating someone knew, but eventually I realized that she would want me to be happy, and I moved on,” he answered earnestly.  
“Yeah you’re right, thanks dad,” Laura said, taking the mug of fresh coffee out of her father’s hands.  
As Laura headed upstairs to take a shower before school, her dad stopped her with his final thought on the matter, “Laura, whoever it is you feel guilty about liking, as long as they’re good to you, go for it. Life’s too short not to.”

After her talk with her dad that morning, Laura felt better about going to school. As soon as she got to her locker, she was greeted by a characteristically cheery Perry, “So are are you excited about Kirsch’s party tonight? I hear Will’s going to be there and he totally still wants to hook up with you!”  
“Shut up Per, no he doesn’t,” Laura smiled back to her best friend, “besides our goal for tonight is to finally get Danny to realize that-”.  
“Get Danny to realize what?” Laura heard as she felt Danny put her arm around her.  
Laura and Perry looked at each other with panicked expressions. Laura was speechless, so Perry responded, “Well, get you to realize that you and Kirsch are perfect for each other,” Laura felt Danny stiffen next to her and she took her arm off of Laura’s shoulder, “and he’s so into you and we all know you like him back! Come on, maybe all you need is a little bit of liquid courage, which there will be plenty of tonight!” Perry continued.  
“Look, I know you guys are trying to help, but for the last time I’m don’t like him like that, we’re just friends,” Danny glared them. Laura was surprised at how upset Danny seemed, like they were accusing her of something awful.  
“Okay, I believe you,” Laura said, reassuringly, Laura turned to Perry, “maybe tonight our focus shouldn’t be on boys, maybe the three of us just need to get drunk and have a fun night out!”  
Danny smiled, “sounds perfect to me,” she turned to Perry who was still pouting, “come on Per, we’re going to have fun, just like old times!” Perry was finally convinced.  
“Okay,” she said, trying to hide her smile.  
“Girls night out, girls night out,” Laura started chanting, Danny quickly joined in, “girls night out, girls night out!”  
“Okay, okay!” Perry laughed, and Danny pulled her two short friends in for a group hug.

Laura managed to go the whole school day without seeing Carmilla, and by the time she, Danny, and Perry, arrived at Kirsch’s party that night, she had almost completely forgotten about her. Laura immediately started taking shots of the first thing she could get her hands on, and was feeling tipsy as she began to dance with her friends. Laura felt hot in her little black romper and red lipstick. Perry had somehow managed to get much drunker than her friends in record time. Laura barely registered when Perry disappeared to make a phone call.  
A few minutes later, Laura felt someone tap her on the shoulder. She turned around and was face to face with Lafontaine, Carmilla trailing behind them.  
“Where’s Perry?” Laf asked, concerned.  
Laura drunkenly tried to collect her thoughts, “Um, I’m not really sure, she was just right here,” Laura pointed at the ground next to her overdramatically, earning a laugh from Carmilla. Laura blushed, “what are you even doing here?”. This party was certainly not Laf’s scene.  
“She called me like twenty minutes ago and sounded really drunk, I was just… concerned,” they responded, looking worried.  
Without thinking, Laura let out a loud, “aww, thats so sweet!” she quickly collected herself and cleared her throat, “I mean, how very thoughtful of you.”  
“There you are!” a drunk Perry yelled as she embraced Lafontaine. She squeezed Laf’s cheeks as she declared, “Laura! Look! Look at how cute they are! Those puffy cheeks! Just as cute now as they were when we were four!”  
Laura and Carmilla laughed, “come on Perry, let’s get you home,” Lafontaine said.  
“No!” Perry protested, “my parents are gonna kill me if they see me like this!”  
“She’s right,” Laura said, followed by a hiccup that caused her to stumble. Carmilla caught her before she fell to the ground. They locked eyes and Laura suddenly felt more sober than she had all night.  
“Be careful kid,” Carmilla said with a smirk. Laura took a deep breath and wrapped her arm around Carmilla’s shoulder for support.  
“Whatever, you guys can all crash at my house tonight, my mom’s with her boyfriend this weekend.” Laf said. They all started to make their way to the door when Laura gasped.  
“Wait, what about Danny? We can’t just leave her here!” Laura proclaimed.  
Perry laughed, “Oh I wouldn’t worry about Danny, she’ll be just fine,” Perry said, pointing to the corner of the room where Danny was enthusiastically making out with Kirsch. Laura shrugged, ‘not into him my ass’ she thought.  
The four of them piled into Carmilla’s car, Perry sprawled across Laf’s lap in the back, and Laura taking the passenger seat. They headed towards Lafontaine’s house, all willing Perry to make it there without vomiting on Carmilla’s backseat.


	3. Chapter 3

When the group arrived at Lafontaine’s house, Laf quickly steered Perry towards the bathroom. “Hey, Carm would you take Laura upstairs and get her set up in the guest bedroom? I’ll bring Perry up in a bit.”

Carmilla nodded and motioned for Laura to follow her upstairs. “Really, really, I’m fine you know,” Laura said, slurring her words, “I am a strong woman and I do not need you to take care of me” Laura poked Carmilla in the chest as she said ‘you’. 

Carmilla laughed, “Okay kid,” she said, helping Laura get into bed. She tucked her hair behind her ear, “can I get you anything?” She whispered to Laura, whom she presumed to be asleep. 

As she was opening the door to leave the room she heard a very faint, “wait,” coming from the bed. Carmilla walked back over and sat down next to where Laura laid with her eyes closed. 

“Who even are you?” Laura asked, opening her eyes wide.

“Carmilla, remember? Lafontaine’s friend,” she responded, “I almost killed you the other day?”

Laura giggled, “no, I know that, I mean who are you Carmilla, why did you all the sudden appear with Laf… I've never seen you before, and I know everybody!” She said with a few hiccups in between. 

Carmilla sighed, “I just moved here with my mom a couple weeks ago, Laf was a kind soul who struck up a conversions with the brooding new girl,” she responded, “does that answer your question?”

Laura rolled her eyes, “that tells me almost nothing about you,” Laura sat up, “what's your last name?”

“Karnstein”

“Oh, I like that actually,” Laura said thoughtfully, “tell me something else about you.” Laura continued. Carmilla looked at her confused, no one had ever taken this much of a interest to her before.

“I um, I really like poetry,” she couldn't think of anything else to say. 

“Oh that's cool! I don't know many poems, but I do know a lot of cheers and those rhyme!” Laura responded with another hiccup, she was still slurring her words even though she was starting to sober up. Something about being around Carmilla brought her down to reality and made her feel safe. 

Carmilla laughed, “yeah, I bet you do, it’s too bad I didn't get to see you in action the other day,” she said, referring to the practice she and Laf were kicked out of. 

Laura looked down, she felt really guilty about how things were handled that day, “I’m sorry about that, I really do feel bad about everything that's happening between Perry and Laf.”

“Yeah well I get it, Perry doesn't want to admit to herself that she likes girls, I didn't either at first,” at that comment Laura's head shot up and she suddenly felt excited, Carmilla continued, “well actually I guess that Perry may not like girls considering Laf isn’t one, maybe she’s just struggling with the fact that she’s not straight, I mean that can be-”

Laura was finally able to speak, “you like girls?” She interrupted, “exclusively?”

Carmilla thought about it for a second, “I mean, yeah I think so,” she laughed, “why? Does that bother you?”

Laura stuttered, “n-no not at all,” there was a long silence between the them, “hey Carmilla, can I tell you a secret?” She asked, hesitantly. 

“Sure, what's on your mind Laura?” Carmilla assumed this ‘secret’ was going to be some dumb, drunk revelation. 

“I like girls too, and like only girls, and no matter how hard I try- and no matter how many times I hook up with Will- I can't change it. And I'm kind of freaking out,” Laura said quickly. 

Carmilla looked at her and she felt a pang in her heart. She remembered being in that place, and she felt for Laura. She looked at Laura's wide questioning eyes and for the first time she realized how truly beautiful Laura was. She lifted her hand up and tucked another strand of hair behind Laura’s ear. “I promise, it might feel awful right now, but everything's going to be okay,” Laura started to cry, “no, Laura don't cry, it's okay I promise, this isn't the end of the world!”

Laura cried harder, “Yes it is,” Laura sobbed, “what's going to happen to me when everyone finds out? I'll never just get to be cool, fun Laura ever again, everyone will think of me only as ‘Laura the lesbian’”.

Carmilla smiled, “oh Laura, no one will think that and if they do, fuck them!”

Laura stopped crying, “that's easy for you to say no one even knows who you are!” Carmilla laughed, “it’s not funny! This is my life!”

Carmilla stopped laughing, “I know I'm sorry,” she paused, “hey I think I know something that would make you feel better”. 

“What?” Laura asked grumpily. 

Carmilla leaned in and lightly brushed her lips against Laura's. She kissed Laura lightly, and stopped when she didn't feel her kiss back. Carmilla pulled back, “I’m sorry, I-”

Laura cut her off with another kiss, this one deeper and more passionate than the last. Carmilla kissed her back, running her fingers through Laura's hair. 

“Oh shit, sorry,” they both pulled away suddenly when they heard Laf and Perry open the door, “I didn't mean to interrupt,” Laf said. Carmilla stood up and walked out of the room as Laf tucked Perry into bed next to Laura. Perry moved close to Laura and cuddled up next to her, to be her little spoon. Laura could feel Perry sobbing. Laura fell asleep thinking about her kiss with Carmilla, and worrying about herself and her best friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Laura woke up the next morning feeling hungover and confused. When she realized where she was, and remembered everything that had happened last night, she woke Perry up. The two girls agreed to sneak out of Lafontaine’s house before Laf and Carmilla woke up. They quickly got dressed and called themselves an uber back to Laura's house. Still exhausted they crawled into Laura's bed and turned on the TV. 

After a little while of silent TV watching, Laura spoke up. “So you called Lafontaine at the party last night?” she questioned. 

Perry sniffled, “Yeah, you know me, I can make silly mistakes when I'm drunk.”

“So calling them was a mistake?” Laura asked, raising her eyebrows. 

Perry turned to face Laura and dropped to a serious tone, “yes it was, and one that I won't be repeating.”

“Oh come on Per, it's just me!” Laura put her hand on her best friend’s shoulder, “you can tell me the truth, how do you really feel about Lafontaine?” Laura hoped she could get an honest answer out of Perry. She knew from both Perry’s drunk ramblings and her intuition, that Perry had feelings for Lafontaine, but was too scared to admit it. 

“Laura what are you accusing me of?” Perry yelled defensively, shaking Laura's hand off of her shoulder. 

“Perry, calm down I'm not accusing you of anything! I’m just saying maybe this pattern of drunk calling Laf means something more,” Perry opened up her mouth to respond, but Laura stopped her, “I get it okay Per? I get not wanting to be known as anything other than the pretty, straight cheerleader, but it's just me, I'm not going to tell anyone or judge you.”

At that, Perry began to sob heavily. “Oh, Per,” Laura said, pulling her in for a hug. 

After a few minutes of crying, Perry managed to calm down. She looked up at Laura, “I hate it,” she whispered. 

“What? Feeling this way?” Laura asked. 

“No, hurting Lafontaine,” she responded, a few more tears rolling down her cheeks, “I love them, and if the world were different, maybe we could be together,” she paused, “but it isn't, so we’re not, and I hate that I keep calling them and giving them this false hope and I hate that I can't be seen with them in public and that I have to kick them out of cheer practice, and I hate looking at the crushed face they make every time I tell them I don't feel the same way they do, even though I'm lying.”

Laura didn't realize the situation between the two of them was this serious. She didn't know what to do next so she just held Perry for a little while longer and let her be sad. Laura could feel herself start to cry too. She understood what Perry was going through because that's how she was feeling too. She was torn between the person she thought she was supposed to be and the person she actually wanted to be. 

Laura took a deep breath, “so Per what do we do now?” She asked. 

Perry sat up and pulled away from their long hug, “what do you mean?”

Laura thought for a second, “well, I mean what's our plan? Do you want me to help you be with Laf in secret? Do you want to keep doing what you're doing now or-”

Perry cut her off, “no, no, I can't keep putting them through this. I think I just need to quit cold turkey, you know? Rip it off like a band aid?”

Laura was confused, “Okay like a break up?”

“No, just distance,” tears welled up in Perry’s eyes again, “if I stop initiating things eventually they’ll move on.”

Laura felt awful, she knew how hard this would be for Perry. Selfishly, It made her feel better about her own situation. This would mean she wouldn't have to see Carmilla anymore. No matter how amazing and right their kiss had felt last night, Laura knew that if she wanted to stay in the closet she would have to stay away from Carmilla. 

“Okay,” Laura swallowed hard, “if that's what you want that's what we’ll do.”

 

Laura and Perry spent the rest of the day in bed. Danny came over later that night and gave them shit about leaving her at the party. 

“Well you just seemed so happy with Kirsch, we didn't want to bother you,” Laura laughed. 

Danny’s face fell and she stiffened, “I- I didn't know you guys saw that.”

Perry snorted, “how could we not? You two were practically having sex in the middle of the living room.” Laura and Perry laughed, Danny did not. 

Laura could sense the tension and nudged Danny, “hey it's okay we've all been there before!” Danny smiled. 

The rest of the weekend went by quickly. Perry was able to ignore all of Laf’s calls and texts, but she knew it would be harder to ignore them once she got to school. Laura could feel Perry’s nervousness when they arrived at their lockers Monday morning, but she tried to act positive, and keep Perry calm throughout the day.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time Thursday rolled around, Laura had already had one of the longest weeks of her life. In addition to having two cheer practices a day preparing for the State Championship, she had been stressing constantly about helping Perry avoid Lafontaine. The only upside was that in all this stress, she didn't have much time to think about Carmilla, or the life changing kiss they’d shared. Which was why Laura was fully unprepared for her interaction with the new girl in the library.

Laura had a free period before cheer practice and decided to go to the library to do some homework that she'd been seriously behind on. 

“Hey,” she heard someone whisper across the table from her. Laura looked up and was flustered to see Carmilla sitting across from her. Laura got nervous and looked back down at her book. “Hey Laura what gives? Are you going to ignore me too.” Laura could feel butterflies at the pit of her stomach. 

Laura looked up, “what can I do for you?” She whispered. 

“What's going on with Perry?” Carmilla asked, “she’s been giving Laf the cold shoulder all week.” 

“Maybe that's for the best,” Laura suggested with a shrug, trying to hide how nervous she was feeling. 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “no of course it's not, come on Lafontaine is so sad, why is Perry doing this?” 

“Look I don't want to be rude, but you don't know them that well, you don't know what's best for them.” Laura said. 

“Oh what and you do?” Carmilla responded loudly, earning her a sush from the librarian, Carmilla lowered her voice again, “maybe if Perry could just get the stick out of her ass and see that-”

“Hey!” Laura interrupted, “that's my best friend you're talking about!” 

“Girls you need to quiet down or else I'll ask you to leave,” neither of them had seen the librarian walk over to their table, but Laura must have gotten loud with that last comment. 

“Sorry,” they both responded quietly. 

Both girls were silent for a few seconds. Carmilla reached out and put her hand over Laura’s which had been resting on the table. Laura fought the instinct to pull it away. “You’re right, Laura. I’m sorry,”

“It's okay,” Laura whispered. 

“I’m just worried for Laf that's all.” Carmilla seemed defeated. 

“I know,” Laura responded, “I am too.”

Carmilla pulled her hand back. Laura immediately missed it being there. “And I'm sorry about Friday too, you were drunk and it wasn't my place-”

“No, Carmilla you're fine,” Laura said, assured. 

“Really? Because I kind of get the sense that you didn't enjoy it as much as I did.”

Laura smiled, “no, believe me I did, it's just I'm not really at a place in my life right now where I can entertain those thoughts.”

Carmilla scoffed, “What? Lesbian thoughts?” 

Laura looked at Carmilla in the eye, defeat on her face. She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to, Carmilla understood. “Okay well I guess that's all I had to say,” Carmilla said, standing up, “look I can't promise Laf will stop trying.”

“I didn't expect them too,” Laura smiled sadly. 

“Okay then,” Carmilla waved awkwardly, “see you later, kid.”

 

After an extended cheer practice, an exhausted Laura and Perry walked towards the parking lot. Danny usually catches a ride home with Laura, but because of late practices this week, she's been finding other rides home. Tomorrow Laura and Perry were going to get to miss school to go to States with the team. 

“Still wanna spend the night?” Laura asked Perry as they walked.

“Yes ma’am!” Perry smiled, “that way I can be sure you're up on time and we don't miss the bus!” They both laughed. 

When they arrived at Laura's car they noticed another familiar car was parked next to it. 

“Oh no,” Laura whispered. 

Before Perry could look up and ask Laura what was wrong she heard the voice she'd been avoiding all week. 

“Hey Perry,” Lafontaine, standing next to Carmilla outside her car, said. 

“What do you want?” Perry asked abruptly, trying to get into Laura's car as fast as possible. 

“Per wait!” Lafontaine shouted, “come on tell me what's wrong, you owe me that much!” they sounded desperate. 

“Okay fine, what do you want me to tell you?” Perry asked. Laura could tell she was fighting back tears. 

“Not here, can you come over real quick? I just really need to talk to you,” Laf said sadly. 

Perry looked over at Laura, silently asking her what she should do. Laura nodded and answered for her, “yeah we can, but quickly we have to get a good night's sleep tonight.”

“Yes, of course!” Laf said, excited. 

Carmilla shot her an appreciative look and Laura smiled back at her. They all got in their cars and headed towards Laf’s house. 

“What the hell Laura?” Perry yelled as soon as Laura started driving, “you were supposed to be helping me avoid them!”

“I think this will be good for you, this way you will both know it's over and you can get some closure.” Laura said. She knew this would make Perry mad, but her talk with Carmilla today kept replaying in her head. 

“Okay fine,” Perry said. 

When they arrived at Lafontaine's empty house, Carmilla pulled Laura aside. “We should probably give them some space,” she whispered. 

Laura nodded and followed Carmilla upstairs into a bedroom. “So this is Lafontaine’s room?” Laura asked, “it does seem very them.” The room was covered wall to wall in books. 

“Hey thanks for this,” Carmilla said, “I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome, but I did it for the two of them not you,” Laura responded. She was only partially lying. 

After a few awkward minutes of silence, Carmilla let out a large sigh and flopped onto Laf’s bed. She looked up at Laura and patted the spot next to her, motioning for Laura to lay with her. Laura knew that she shouldn't be doing this, but Carmilla’s presence was so magnetic she couldn't help herself. She layed down on the bed sideways, facing Carmilla. 

Carmilla brushed away the hair that had fallen out of Laura's pony tail and onto her face. Her hand lingered on Laura's face, cupping her cheek. “You are really beautiful,you know that right?” Laura blushed, “I'm serious,” Carmilla continued, “and you're a really good friend, doing all this for Perry.”

Laura smiled. Still holding her face, Carmilla leaned in and kissed Laura. Laura quickly kissed back, passionately, lacing her fingers through Carmilla's beautiful dark hair. Carmilla began to move her body closer to Laura's, and Laura hooked her leg around Carmilla’s. Finally, after a few minutes of heavy making out, Laura pulled back. She smiled and laughed, which caused Carmilla to do the same. With their legs still intertwined, Carmilla rested her forehead against Laura’s. 

“I’m sorry, I couldn't help myself.” Carmilla whispered. 

“It's okay,” Laura said, “you're a really good kisser.” 

“You’re not so bad yourself kid,” Carmilla laughed, “So you're helping Perry out with her sexuality crisis, does she know about yours?”

Laura shook her head, “I'm trying to do this alone.”

Carmilla pulled her in closer, so there was no space between their bodies, “you're not alone anymore.”

Laura had never felt more free in her life. Here in this moment with Carmilla, was the first time she had ever truly felt like herself. They readjusted so that Carmilla was laying on her back and Laura had her head resting on Carmilla’s chest. 

“So you're leaving tomorrow?” Carmilla asked, lazily combing her fingers through Laura’s hair. 

“Yeah but only for a day, we’ll be back Saturday afternoon, hopefully with good news.” Laura had completely forgotten about States tomorrow, but in this moment she didn't seem to care. 

“So how did you get started with cheerleading?” Carmilla asked. She wanted to get to know more about this caring, intriguing girl laying in her arms. 

“Well I did gymnastics as a kid, so I had the tumbling part down, and I decided to try out on a whim and next thing I know Perry and I are both admitted to varsity as freshmen which apparently was unheard of at the time,” Laura responded, “then all the sudden it was like everyone knew who we were and we were always expected to be hanging out with certain people and only doing certain things. It all happened so fast.”

Carmilla understood what she meant. Before she had even met her, she'd heard stories about the gorgeous and smart Laura Hollis, who was poised to become captain of the cheer team next year when she would be a senior. 

Before Carmilla could respond, the girls heard the sounds of footsteps coming up the stairs. Laura quickly rolled away from Carmilla and stood up, off the bed. 

Perry flung open the door, eyes red and puffy, tear streaks down her face, “come on Laura we’re leaving.”

Laura didn't ask her any questions, and the two girls silently got into Laura's car, without saying goodbye to Carmilla or Lafontaine.


	6. Chapter 6

Out of the corner of her eye, Perry saw Carmilla and Laura dash upstairs when they all arrived at Lafontaines house. She knew she was going to have to face Laf alone.

Lafontaine sat down on the couch and Perry reluctantly sat next to them. Lafontaine cleared their throat, “Perry, I’m so sorry.”

Perry felt herself getting emotional, “what could you possibly have to be sorry for?” She said, sounding angrier than she’d meant to.

“I- I don't know, but I do know that I've done something to make you mad at me and whatever it was I'm sorry”, Laf said earnestly.

Perry rolled her eyes, fighting back tears, “stop that!”

“Stop what?” Laf asked, confused.

“Stop acting like you don't already know!” Perry stood up and yelled.

“Seriously Perry, know what?” Laf raised their voice to match Perry’s.

“That I love you!” Perry yelled. Laf sat there speechless. After a few seconds Perry sat back down and continued, calmer, “I love you and it's killing me,” Perry cried. Laf remained silent as Perry went on, “can't you see that? Can't you see that every time I look at you, I die a little bit more inside knowing that I’m hurting you?”

Laf smiled and put their hands on Perry’s shoulders, “Per, don't cry, this is good, if I love you and you love me no one has to get hurt anymore.”

Perry looked up at them, “I wish it was that simple.”

“It can be!” Laf replied, hopefully.

“We both know that's not true.” Perry wiped tears away from her cheeks.

“Oh come on, forget all the kids at school, who cares what they think?” Laf reached out and held Perry's hand in her lap.

“It's not just them! What about everyone else? Not to mention my parents, God can you even imagine what my mother would say?”

“Yeah kind of,” Laf replied with a smile and a laugh. They were relieved to see Perry smiling too. Lafontaine had good memories of Mrs. Perry when they were little, but once they hit middle school- and Laf started cutting their hair short and wearing more gender neutral clothes- she started to treat them differently. Laf suspected that was one of the factors leading up to them drifting away from Perry as they got older.

Laf put their arm around Perry, and Perry leaned onto their shoulder. “I'm so sorry Lafontaine.” Perry whispered through tears. Lafontaine responded by kissing the top of Perry's head. The two of them sat like that for a little longer until Perry pulled back.

“Maybe we should take a break from all this. Clear our heads a little,” Perry suggested.

“What do you mean?” Laf asked.

“We need some time apart.”

“No, that's not what we need. We need each other! It's us against the world Per!” Laf said desperately. They had known they were in love with Perry since they were kids, Laf was thrilled when Perry started calling them again a few months ago, even if it was only when she was drunk. They knew they couldn't lose her again.

“Not anymore,” Perry said, devastated. Any tears she had been able to hold back during this exchange suddenly came pouring out.

“Perry no don't do this,” Laf started to cry too.

“I'm sorry, I have to,” Perry replied. She turned around and ran up the stairs before she could hear Lafontaine’s reply. She wasn't sure where Laura had gone but she needed to find her as quickly as possible and get out of there before she hurt Laf anymore. She saw the light coming from under Laf’s closed door and quickly threw it open. “Come on Laura were leaving,” she ordered her best friend. Perry though it was weird that Carmilla was laying on Laf’s bed, but didn't think too much into it. Thankfully Laura didn't ask her any questions for the rest of the night, and drove the two of them home in silence.

  
Laura knew better than to ask Perry about what had gone down the day before. After an exhausting day of cheering, the girls settled into their hotel room, which they were sharing with Mel, the head cheerleader, and Mattie, another senior who had just joined the team a few weeks ago.

As they were getting ready for bed, Mel told them about the teams they would be competing against the next morning, in the final round of the competition. “If we do as well as we did today, we’ll have no problem placing and moving on to nationals!” Mel exclaimed.

Mattie laughed, “did you guys see how freaked out that other team looked when they watched us today? We've got this!”

Laura thought the team was doing well, but she didn't want to jinx anything. “Mattie you were awesome today! Was it weird being with us instead of your old squad?”

“No, not at all, you guys are way better anyways,” Mattie said. Laura thought Mattie was really nice, but she always had an air of mystery around her and it was hard for Laura to get a read on her.

“How are you liking Silas?” Perry asked, that was the first time Laura had heard her speak all day.

“I'm loving it, but I feel bad because I don't think my sister is adapting as easily,” Mattie responded.

Laura gave her a confused look, “You have a sister?”

Mattie smiled, “Yeah, I mean we don't really look alike or have the same last name because we were both adopted, but I think she's in your grade so you might know her, Carmilla Karnstien?”

Laura almost choked on her water, “wait Carmilla is your sister?”

Mattie laughed, “Yeah do you know her?”

Laura felt Perry pinch her arm as a warning and she noticed the weird look mel was giving her, “um, not really she's in some of my classes,” Laura lied.

“Oh okay,” Laura was relieved to see that Mattie and Mel seemed to buy it.

  
The next morning, Laura woke up to a text message from an unknown number. It read, “Good luck today kid, you're gonna kick ass, XO” Laura smiled knowing it was from Carmilla. A few seconds later another one popped up, “ps I got your number from my sister, she said to tell you you're a bad liar ;)”

That one made Laura worried, what if Mattie decided to tell someone? Laura stood up and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She almost didn't notice someone slip in behind her.

“Hey Laura,” Mattie whispered.

Laura jumped about a foot into the air, “shit sorry, Mattie what are you doing in here?”

“I'm so sorry I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to tell you not to worry your secrets safe with me.” Mattie said, she seemed to have dropped some of her walls because Laura could tell she was being genuine.

“She told you?” Laura asked.

“Yeah she told me she made out with a cheerleader the other night, I didn't realize it was you until I saw your reaction to her name,” both girls laughed, “just do me a favor, and be careful with her okay? She's had a lot of bad things in her life, she could use someone good like you,” Mattie said with a half smile.

“I promise I will,” Laura said, and she meant it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comment or kudos if you feel like it!


End file.
